Quit being Ignorant, you're pissing me off!

The hubby and I went to the dog park today to let our children run around and play, like they so deserve.  Okay so there was a sign that basically said city ordinance blah blah blah, no "Mean" dogs.  Then there was another sign that said "No Pit Bulls or Pit Bull mixes allowed in park"  What?  Really?  My husband and I have a Stafford shire Terrier which is considered a Pit Bull mix and she is the sweetest dog in the world.  I am so sick of this breed discrimination that is going on.  I don't know how many times I have been walking my Daisy and some ignorant person says in passing, "that's one of those mean dogs.  It is not the dog it is the owner.  Any dog can be made to be mean and it pisses me off when someone stands back to let me pass when I am walking my dog. What I really want to say is, "fuck you ignorant asshole, read the statistics, most dog attacks are made by Golden Retrievers."  Most people don't know that because they haven't taken the time to learn themselves.  Whatever they say on television is true, the papers are right.  No they aren't, they just only report what people want to hear.  My dog Daisy doesn't have a voice so it's my responsibility to give her one.  Don't judge a dog by what breed you think they are.  For one, you may be wrong and for two it doesn't matter anyway, any dog can be mean.  Just in the 2 hours we were at the park 3 dog fights broke out and not one involved a Pit Bull or a mix and there were plenty of both at the park.  I'm just mad, I shouldn't have to take up for a helpless animal that did nothing to anyone.  In fact, poor Daisy is a rescue dog herself.  The first year of her life she was abused and luckily my husband saved her.  I wouldn't trade her for the world, she's like my child.  It kinda hurts when people act afraid of my child. Whatever though, keep letting me pass and make your comments, just know that you are an ignorant ill informed person that sucks!

Daniel Tosh= Funny. Dane Cook = Spaz. You decide.

Daniel Tosh is hilarious, he makes me laugh so hard, my face hurts after watching his show.  If you haven't watched it, I suggest you give it a try.  I have come to realize that a lot of people don't like him or say he's not funny and that's fine.  I think he is so funny.  He makes fun of everyone so no one social class or race can get mad.  Genius I say, make fun of everyone and then there is not anything anyone can do.  Hmmm????  Maybe Daniel Tosh is on to something.  The question arises though..... is he gay?  The world wants to know Daniel.  I really don't care to know.  Being gay won't make him any more or less funny.  It's only my secret sexual attraction to him that spikes my curiosity.  (Yum)  Some people like Dane Cook and I must say that I do not.  He spazzes around the stage all yelling and shit.  It's not funny, it's creepy.  His large amount of face craters take away from any humorousness he may have.  It's a game for real,  when he is on television see how many craters you can count before he does one of his gay spazz routines and spins around all crazy.  He took all the good movie rolls that belonged to Ryan Reynolds (Van Wilder dude).  Crazy thing is, Ryan Reynolds is way sexier than Dane Cook and more talented too but he got the roles that I so pictured Ryan in.  Ooh Dane Cook special is on.... time to crater count.  Break out the booze, every time he freaks out on stage, drink.  He might actually be funny after drinking yourself into a coma. Daniel Tosh is always funny.

Go away, it's Saturday

Saturdays are supposed to be relaxing and chill but not mine.  Not today anyway. I awoke to crazy thunder and lightning.  That's okay Except for the fact that my Internet was out and my cable too.  What is a girl to do without both of my morning rituals taken away.  Damn it.  Then everyone and their brother decided to descend upon our home bringing their children and dogs.  I'm not even playing, kids a running, dogs a butt sniffing and my head about to explode.  Yay on this today.  Really??  I really hate when people show up unannounced especially toting irritating kids that scream and run around my house.  We are not a kid friendly house, I mean decoration wise.  I like kids, don't get me wrong but I guess I require a notice, preferably written.  Everywhere you look in our home it's cool shit that kids like but it's breakable, so don't touch.  I guess I need to baby proof the house someday.  Not today damn it.  

My Eggs are dumb.

I've been researching donating or selling my eggs and it turns out, you have to be a college graduate to do that.  What??  So my eggs are dumb?  This makes no sense to me, just because I didn't finish college doesn't mean I am a dumb ass and my eggs are any less useful than the next persons.  I only wanted to help others achieve the awesomeness of parenthood if they couldn't on there own.  I have no intentions of using my eggs so why not give the gift of life to someone?  Oh that's right, I don't have a college degree.  My eggs are no good.  This bothers me so much.  How do your under carriage parts define your degree of intelligence or the smarts you may or not pass on through genes?  I'm no scientist and I may not be the smartest person in the world but you don't need to be Einstein to have a heart and want to help others.  Well I guess you do.  

Damn Internet Games

Those damn Internet games are evil I say, pure evil.  They suck you in with there cool graphics and neat looking avatars.  You start playing, designing your little farmer, baker, mafia killer or sorority slut and it's so much fun.  Then all of the sudden it's build this, you need neighbors for this, make this, collect this, and then the oh my God send me this I only need one and I am done.  It's so frustrating, they took the fun out of my farming.  I loved setting up my land, tending my crops and harvesting animals. Now it's ten days to build my damn stable and I have to get my friends involved in this mockery of gamage by asking them to be my neighbor and send me a brick while you're at it.  Zynga and Facebook own our asses and it's not even funny.  They got my butt on a schedule now with this puppy I just spent $300.000 on.  Can you believe I have to feed it once a day or it runs away and I am labeled a puppy abuser and can't get another one from Farmville.  Locked it says, one only.   Assholes.  I am hooked though, can't talk too much shit, I am a master farmer and can plan my crops perfectly to my busy schedule of holding down this couch.  I do know some people that will remain nameless (mom) that need a hobby or something constructive to do.  Knitting perhaps?  I could use a new sweater.  That woman has like nine accounts and comes home from work and runs straight for her fish tank, cafe, farm, island and don't forget her store.  It's insanity I say.  On a good note it gives my bored ass something to make me feel accomplished so back off my stupid Internet games.  I got a nice looking farm, don't be hating.  Just don't let them run your real life, unless you never had one to begin with then fuck it, play on!  If you do have a semi life then enjoy it and don't get sucked in so far that you can't be found.  Happy Playing!!

Famous?? For What?

I am watching In Session on Tru T.V.  There is not much on this early.  I am so sick of these "famous" people getting out of shit that a person like myself would be stuck paying for, dealing with and getting over.  These so called famous people just pay up and get their publicist to say something nice and make it all go away.  Yet I am still paying out the ass for a D.U.I I stupidly got once, never before nor since have I been in any trouble but I still pay.  Stupid ass Paris Hilton, don't even get me started on her trashy tail.  Why is she even famous?  What did she do?  Oh yeah, she made a sex tape and leaked it then said oops, feel bad for me.... but go buy my tape.  Please, she's famous for being a slut.  Way to go.  Look at her sister Nikki, we don't hear bad stuff about her because she is either just smarter than Paris and doesn't get caught or she doesn't do anything stupid.  One will never know.  And this Snookie bitch on Jersey Shore getting in trouble for being drunk and stupid in public.  Her trial is at one today, I'm sure MTV's lawyers are on stand-by.  The only person on this show that actually has talent and is throwing it away is Lindsay Lohan.  This girl has talent yet she keeps fucking up.  I kinda feel sorry for her, she seems to at least want to change.  Her parents on the other hand are crazy as ten miles of bad road, they just know the promise of talent in Lindsay and they want her money, plain and simple.  Her father is always going on about this new show he wants to do, or this show.  He is a money hungry man that cares nothing for his daughter.  Where is the little sister?  Does she not have any talents?  Can they not bother her and leave Lindsay alone.  Maybe they see no dollar signs in the younger daughters eyes.  Sad.  I'm waiting to see some real famous people on here.  This is one crazy world.

I Got Caught Rummaging at the Hospital.

So I had to take my husband to the hospital the other day for his reoccurring kidney stones, fun fun.  Once he got all settled in and doped up, I went for my usual hospital stroll, you know to check out the horribly ugly art on the walls and read every door to be nosey.  I made my rounds and decided to end my journey with a piss break.  I enter the bathroom, lock the door and handle my biz.  As I finish, I notice a cabinet.  I love snooping in hospital cabinets, I don't take anything except for the occasional gloves and that scissor set I REALLY needed.  So I go for the first drawer..... pee cups. Close and move on. Drawer number two, no whammy's no whammy's......... damn it, blood holder thingies.  Drawer number three, come on, don't let me down....... empty.  Really?  Nothing did they need in that drawer?  Guess not.  The disappointment sets in then I notice it has doors at the top.  YAY.... one last chance for snooping happiness.  I open the door hoping for a blanket or four.  (damn cold hospitals) Anyway as the door opens I see a nurse staring back at me...... oh shit, it's the fluid pass through portal.  Not what I was expecting at all.  I immediately tried to explain myself, "I am just a snooper not a stealer" I say.  She just looked at me and smiled and said "Oh honey it happens on the time".  Thank the Lord she was cool with my habit or hospital rummaging.

I am a boxer brief girl now!!

As a female I am always searching for new ways to keep my panties out of my ass crack.  All this yanking and trying to discretely dig in your butt has got to stop.  I have found the cure and no it's not going commando, which in my opinion is just gross and it feels funny.  Anyway I was shopping and stumbled across boxer briefs for women, I know I know, they have "boy shorts" that have been out a while but there is a big difference my fellow booty picking friends.  I bought a couple pairs to try them out and oh my gosh, no turning back now.  I even went back for enough to wear a pair everyday.  They are amazing, I haven't reached back there once to pull on nothing.  I will be a boxer brief girl forever now.  Hope they come in granny pantie size because I see us having a long awesome relationship.  I do have one complaint, just a small one.  I believe in equality and my husbands boxer briefs have a hole in them to pee, scratch, whatever.  Mine however, do not have such a hole and I must say, I am a little disappointed and feel left out.  I might want to scratch down there, but no Hanes does not agree with my request.  I will get over my missing hole because these undies get a two thumbs up.  Four if you count the hubby, he says they are sexy. So get out and grab you some, your happiness with a wedgie free life depends on it.

Two & a Half Men is a Funny Ass Show

I don't care how many DWI's, hookers, infidelities, wife beatings, and any other moral issue Charlie Sheen has.  That is one funny man and that show would be shit without him.  I wasn't a watcher til a couple years ago and I am sorry it took me so long to jump on that shit,  It it funny as hell.  I get lucky every once in a while and find a rerun that I haven't seen, but I watch it and laugh my ass off regardless.  My favorite character on the show is Berta, the housekeeper to those living under a rock.  She is another person that makes that show, her smart ass attitude and general disposition is hilarious.  The writers of that show are awesome and never cease to amaze me.  There are not many reruns I will watch (except Family Guy, King of the Hill) but Two and a half men is so funny it's like exercise, it will make your stomach hurt.  Screw you sit ups, I got a funny show to watch!