Depression is Taking Over my Life.

I haven't talked about my depression and anxiety on my blog because I guess I was embarrassed.  I can't hide anymore.   It's time to talk about it and hopefully help someone that feels alone not to anymore.  I have been there, I am here now and I still have work to do.

I hid my depression from everyone, I didn't want to be seen as weak or different.  I didn't tell employers or fear that they would fire me.  I would just have times that I disappeared into the bathroom for a bit. I would tell lies for my hiding times; I felt nauseous, headache, dizzy, anything but the truth.  I am tired of living a lie, I am no different than anyone, I just suffer from anxiety and depression.  It's not my fault, it would be like telling someone who has Lupus that it's their fault, it's ridiculous.  I hate it when people say that we are only faking it and we can choose to be happier.  That's a big pile of horseshit.  No one wants to feel this way and if it were as easy as a switch that could just be turned off, trust me I wouldn't be writing this, I would be outside somewhere or surrounded by friends at a local bar.  The problem is, number one, I can't go outside because it's too far to walk and there is no reason.  I would make it all the way out the door only to find a reason to come back inside, and number two, I have no friends. No one wants to take the time to get to know me deep enough to see past my pain.