Otis loves bathtime.

My baby boy Otis loves to take a bath, all I have to do is run the water and tell him to jump in. He stands there and lets me scrub him down. He loves to be rinsed and most of all his favorite part is when I break out the blow dryer, he absolutely loves the warm air. I have spoiled my dog to the fullest and I love it. He's so sweet and loving.

The Box (poetry)

The four corners of the photograph create a unity. Colors bleed together like the puddles from the rain. The smiles on their faces show no signs of pain.

Blue shirt, pink lips, long flowing hair. Together in this box that is a picture, we are a perfect pair.

His eyes smile deeply though his face does not. I'm fortunate that he took a chance and gave me a shot.

This simple square in which we lie, holds our secrets that will stay untold. We are cut off from the world that we know and we are all alone.

Just two people so in love, holding each other in this perfect box. No one can change it, no one can erase it.

Fearful Heart (poetry)

I open my heart with hopes for acceptance.

I know nothing of love, I'm only an apprentice.

I don't think...I'm reckless.
I don't care... I'm a menace.
I don't feel...I'm senseless.
I'm lonely... I'm friendless.

Time to start new somewhere where I'll have no resentments.

Close my heart back up and reinforce my fences.

My Favorite Kevin Spacey movie. (no spoilers, so don't worry)

I love a good movie, especially the ones where the characters end up crossing paths and their lives are forced to intertwine in some cool way.  I am a huge Kevin Spacey fan, his acting skills are incredible and he is so versatile, that you know without a doubt that whatever role he plays will be a good one.    He never ceases to amaze me.

I don not own the rights to this photo at all so please don't sue me.  ;)

SHRINK:  This amazing movie came out in 2009.  It is labeled as a comedy/drama and I agree.  It stars Kevin Spacey as L.A's top shrink to the stars and  Robin Williams plays one of his patients. His character suffers a tragedy and questions his ability to treat his patients so he  turns to marijuana to try and cope.




This movie is everything you could want in a film.  It's funny, it's real, it's raw, it's full of emotion with twists that leave you satisfied with every scene.  I won't spoil the movie because I really hope you watch it.  I had never even heard of this movie and I was surprised of the lack of advertisements, especially with Kevin Spacey in it.  Anyway, I won't tell you how awesome it is, watch it.  I found it on Netflix so check there. The short version .....He plays a psychiatrist with a recent tragedy that makes him hide from his life while trying to keep it together with his patients.   It's almost like 3 different characters story told separate and then they come together at the end in this big fate feeling, warm fuzzy awesome way.  I won't say anything else, I just had to tell you guys about this movie because I really liked it and I hope you do too. 

XOXO

My Own Personal Therapy.

When I am feeling depressed, want to rip my hair out, punch someone, throw my phone, lie down screaming like a 2 year old, hold myself underwater, run into traffic.... I think you get the point.  After years of therapy that I paid for, I had an ephiphany one day at work.  I was having a shitty day dealing with asshole customers taking their bullshit all day.  I went to the bank to drop off the deposit and really didn't want to go back so I thought I would go for a drive instead and kill some time. The music Gods were with me that day and every song was a good one.  It was a nice sunny day and there are lots of backroads in my town with beautiful scenary, old barns, ponds, rolling hills and lakes.  I

Go out and see the beautiful things that you miss because you're busy.

Music soothes the souls and lets you not only feel an emotion but hear it.  That's a very powerful thing. Nothing feels better than driving down a pretty road with the windows down, air blowing through your hair and jamming to your favorite songs.  I ended up showing up back up to work way later than planned but it felt amazing and I was the manager so ya know.  ;)

One of the music related pictures that I made.

Rearview mirror picture with landscape

The main point is to leave all of your bullshit in the rearview mirror and cleanse your soul with music that makes you feel better. 

Depression is Taking Over my Life.

I haven't talked about my depression and anxiety on my blog because I guess I was embarrassed.  I can't hide anymore.   It's time to talk about it and hopefully help someone that feels alone not to anymore.  I have been there, I am here now and I still have work to do.

I hid my depression from everyone, I didn't want to be seen as weak or different.  I didn't tell employers or fear that they would fire me.  I would just have times that I disappeared into the bathroom for a bit. I would tell lies for my hiding times; I felt nauseous, headache, dizzy, anything but the truth.  I am tired of living a lie, I am no different than anyone, I just suffer from anxiety and depression.  It's not my fault, it would be like telling someone who has Lupus that it's their fault, it's ridiculous.  I hate it when people say that we are only faking it and we can choose to be happier.  That's a big pile of horseshit.  No one wants to feel this way and if it were as easy as a switch that could just be turned off, trust me I wouldn't be writing this, I would be outside somewhere or surrounded by friends at a local bar.  The problem is, number one, I can't go outside because it's too far to walk and there is no reason.  I would make it all the way out the door only to find a reason to come back inside, and number two, I have no friends. No one wants to take the time to get to know me deep enough to see past my pain.

Almost Famous is One of the greatest movies ever!!

There are not very many movies that you can watch more than ten times and still love as if it were the first.  The joy you felt, the tears you cried, and the laughter.  It all sweeps over you every time I watch it.  Almost Famous was written, directed, and based on a very important part of Cameron Crowe's teenage years.  It has everything you could possibly want in a movie.  Even though I could review this movie and recite most of it, I am not going to.  I will give nothing away to the people who have not watched this movie.  I own it and I watch it once a month at least and I still gasp and tear up when William introduces Penny Lane to Russell unknowing of their history. It's absolutely beautifully written and Kate Hudson shows perfect emotion in every scene.  She makes you feel like it really happened to her, not just for the movie.  Her acting skills are beyond awesome and no one else could play Penny Lane like Kate Hudson did.

This is one of my many favorite parts of the movie.  They are on the tour bus and Penny Lane is waving at a group of girls running.  The girls excitedly wave back realizing it is the band Stillwater so she flips them off. 

I could never pick just one favorite scene, that would be impossible.  This is another of Penny Lane dancing alone happily by herself after a Stillwater show.

"It's all happening"  One of the most used phrases in the movie and one that will be tattooed on me soon. This phrase has meant so many different things to me over the years so it means a lot to me. This is a wonderful, one of a kind movie that if you haven't watched it yet...... GO.