Country Creatures That are New to my City Girl Ass.

So after moving to the sticks in December, Shit has thawed and the creatures of the back country are
my biggest enemy.  Number one would have to be the flies.  Holy huge corn fed country flies batman.  What the hell is going on out here?  They are huge, and fast fuckers too. I think they are on steroids or some crazy shit.  We went total redneck and hung those sticky fly strips from the ceiling in various locations.  Nothing now but to happily wait and watch the little bastards get stuck.
After only a couple of days,  the adhesive strips are now adorning the ceiling with decorative dangling fly carcasses.  Art if you will. 

My next enemy are the fire ants in the backyard.  I'm not much of a shoe person in the summer, I wear flip flops or nothing.  These little bastards hide in the yard and wait for me to go outside with my dogs to play.  It never fails that I end up stepping on a fire ant mound.  The neighbors probably think I have lost my mind.  Here I am outside  jumping on one leg, no balance at all, hopping around to get away from them and attempting to knock them off of my feet at the same time.  Them little assholes burn like hell when they bite and it stings for long after you rid yourself of them.  I am not a violent person and I even try to take bugs outside instead of killing them but these ants are testing me.  I am not sure of the proper way to rid my backyard of these pesky pests and with my 3 dogs and two cats that play outside, I have to be careful about what I use as my murder weapon.  I think I will try to drown them with the water hose and float their asses elsewhere.  We shall see, but I wanted to share my new country living dilemmas with my favorite people.