As many of you know, my mother was a very awesome person. Anyone who knew her and had the chance to hang out with her knew she still had that 60's spirit and can do/will do attitude. She was amazing. I lost her to cancer in July of 2012, my life will never be the same. She was my best friend, my counselor, my confidant, my everything. When I say, she knew everything about me, I mean EVERYTHING! There were no secrets. She knew when I was on drugs, she knew when I was drinking, cheating, being stupid and careless....she knew it all. She allowed me to make my own decisions, no matter how blatantly horrible the outcome was going to be. she let me fall, to learn to get back up. She allowed me to fuck up and I know it sounds nuts to some people and I don't mean I was 14 or 15 while all this was going on, I was over 18, had a job, my own place, and was going to college. She always said, "I'm not always going to be around to fix things when you fuck up, practice now". :)
She was taken to soon, she was only 63 years old, it's not fair. I feel cheated like I didn't get enough time with her and I didn't. I know some people have lost they're mothers even sooner than I lost mine so I feel fortunate to have had the time I did, but I'd be a liar if I said it was enough. We had plans, she wanted a hover round because it was hard for her to get around and my mom had so many things left undone. I almost feel like it's my destiny to fulfill the things she wanted to do. She was the most unselfish person in the world, she ALWAYS put others before herself, always. It amazed me and angered me sometimes, all at once because I wanted her to make herself happy first. She would always say that seeing other people happy is what made her happy and that's why she did it. "Happiness is like a reflection", she said, "what you give comes back, how you treat others reflects back to you". I really miss her. I had to work for things that I wanted, nothing free, no handouts. She wasn't mean, I had a cell phone (so she could track my ass) and if I didn't answer, oh shit, I was in trouble. Long ass story short, my mama was the best mom ever, she raised me to be independent if need be but allowed me to accept love into my life but not to be dependent on a man or anyone for that matter. Kids these days have been handed everything on a silver platter and they suck. No one has jobs anymore, still living at moms, she's still doing their laundry and cooking while their adult child plays video games all day and has no intent to be a productive member of society. What the hell is going to happen when we are all old and these fuckers are running our government? It's fucked now. We are fucked. This generation of "gimmies" doesn't look like it's getting any better so pray or do what you do, then move to Canada or Europe somewhere, at least over their, you are treated like a human not a number. Wow, got way of track on this one. HA story of my life. Point is, my mom was awesome and most moms today have it all wrong. And no I am not a mom and I know nothing. It's an opinion and freedom of speech and those are rights that all Americans have, some people are just afraid to be honest, afraid of what others will think. who gives a shit? If I learned anything, the most important thing she taught me was that you only get one life, use it wisely. I Love you mama and I thank you for the strong woman that you helped me to become! You're a star in the sky and I know you are with me still. I will miss you everyday. <3
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