Nashville New Years 2016

Fun antics of a free spirit.

There were 150,000 people in this crowd and at first I was terrified, then I was happy and proud that my social anxious ass was there. It was a great feeling to overcome this fear. I had so much fun because I let go and said fuck it, I'm going to have a great time. Don't let your fears beat you. 

Everything that I love, I suck at.

Life is unfair, it's funny how fucked up it really all is.  I love music more than anything, ((headphones in now)) but I can't play an instrument.  I love singing competitions and karaoke but I can't sing. I love to write but I am not very good at it. I always dreamed of writing this amazing story about my fucked up childhood; teenage angst, or my failed adulthood while taking breaks at some corner desk looking out the window at my glistening pond. Well this duplex with my mother-in-law hiding in the bedroom like a teenager with headphones in, just begging to be left alone will have to do. Maybe it's just my run on sentences. Who knows but the point is, I feel like I have something to say and no one cares.  This life of being a writer whether published or not, is a lonely life.  The hope never goes away if it's truly your destiny so here I stay.

2 Rules that You Should Break.

I am not saying that anyone should break the law but there are a few rules that I feel must be broken for you to live a fulfilled life.
In no particular order,
SPEED-  I'm not saying haul ass and kill someone or yourself but if the time presents itself to safely speed, then you totally should, it feels amazing, wind in your hair, radio up all the way.

STAY OUT FOR LONGER THAN YOU PLAN- It happens almost every time, you go out, you have fun, and you set a time to leave, sometimes.  As soon as you leave, something good always happens and you miss it because you were tired.

I just moved to the country. :\

Yep, this city girl is living amongst the cows and pick up trucks.  I hate it.  I mean I didn't live in New York or anything but it was a good sized fun college town and I now reside in a place where people say y'all and going to town?  I am not made out for this style so this should be interesting to say the least.  I love cities, not huge ones but big ones.  There are 4,000 people here and I am pretty sure that most of them are related.  No fast food places, except the crappy ones.  I am a fan of the arts, music and big city living.  Nashville, Dallas, Austin... Oh my, I love them all.  There are cows so close that I can smell them.  My first trip to the grocery store today was fun.  I had on my high heel slut boots and my hot pink Dollhouse coat, so I looked excellent but the shop goers did not appreciate my style as they stared on with they're what the fuck, not in my town looks.  I simply smiled and kept on strutting, what else can you do?  Haters are everywhere, even in the fucking sticks.

Relentless Honesty Part 1

It's been time to get real here. I always try to post things that are positive and keep people thinking happy thoughts. But the truth is, life is really shitty most of the time. Everyone sugar-coats everything and tells lies to make things seem like they are different then what they really are. I'm exhausted and I am so ready to speak open and honestly about the life that I live. I'm not some bubbly person who is happy and positive. I'm really a fucking crazy person with crazy shit happening to me. I'm not ashamed of my life, in fact I wouldn't change a thing. Every fucked up situation has made me who I am and come to find out, I'm way stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. So this post is only the beginning. I did name my blog Stained Life for a reason and it's about time to share it with the world. Hopefully someone, anyone, can learn something from the shit show that is my life. Enjoy.

How to be Happy!

Rule #1 You only get one life so it is almost imperative that chances are taken on a regular basis.

  I know it sounds simple and it really is, follow it and you will have happiness in your life.  When we regret the things we didn't do or should have done, we actually cause more stress in our lives because we are constantly blaming ourselves for our current situation and we try to link it to a regret we have to make it easier for us to accept.  Yes I am crazy.

Rule #2  Surround yourself with happy people, and stay away from negativity.

Again my rambling ass will say that this is something you have to do,  to not want to kill yourself because your life sucks.  Being around bitchy or negative people will only cause you to feel the same, it rubs off.

There is no rule 3 because if you actually follow 1 and 2 then you don't need 3.   :)

Accept Things that do Not Directly Effect You.

The world has changed.  People have tattoos, piercings, crazy hair colors and are not your common everyday person.  That doesn't mean that they are bad people, it just means that they aren't like you. The sooner we all learn to tolerate things and people that do not effect our personal lives, our family, or our well being....who gives a shit?  If we tolerated as much as we judged, the world would be a kinder, gentler place.  We as a society have so many bigger problems to woryy about than Kate and her pink hair, or John dating Jim, it's time to move on. Life is too short. You never know what could happen, we cannot predict the future. Let's try to all get along and be peaceful to each other. It's time. 

Mary Kay, It's all Lies and Crazy People.

I posted two blog entries about my experience with The Mary Kay Company.  One, made the products sound great and the company was great and blah blah blah.  The second was about 2 months in while working for the company and it was about how I didn't feel that I fit in, felt judged for my tattoos, and wasn't selling shit.  I had comments posted from readers that were truly concerned about me and warning me to get out NOW.  I wish those comments happened before I joined that wretched company.  I write about my life experiences and I hope people will interact with me, leave me comments and wait to see how I fix my fuck ups.  Mary Kay Ash was probably a really great woman but I am sure that she is rolling over in her grave at how her company has turned out.  It's all lies and commission that never comes.  Stupid meetings about how to sell their shitty makeup and basically telling you that if you want to make money, you have to get people to join and get their commission plus a sign on bonus for you.  WTF?  So it's a cult, get people to join by telling them lies all while knowing that they will fail, just like you.  It makes me sick to my stomach to think of all the women out there being exploited by this company.  Pinktruth.com is a wonderful site that tells you how it is from real people who have been there.  I wish I would have known about that site before I signed my soul away.  Now all I can do is try to help others not fall prey to those crazy ladies.

Finding Happiness from Within (part 2)

I keep hearing the phrase "If you don't love yourself, you can't love anyone else" and it's finally sinking in.  It makes so much sense when you really think about it.  It's a scary thought and it puts pressure on the person that does not love themselves.  It is extra work, you have to learn to love yourself before you can love another. Well shit, that's just another obstacle, just a speed bump.  You can learn to love yourself, you first have to learn that what other people think of you doesn't matter.  You can't let stupid shit get to you, and at the time, that stupid shit seems big and scary but once you're past it and you look back, you almost feel dumb for worrying so much.  It gets easier the more you do it.  You can't under any circumstance let another person's opinions affect how you live your life.  If nothing else, I am learning that this is a process that takes different times for everyone. As long as you're a good person, who cares what whatserface says. She probably has a closet full of bones.  ;)

I am a Writer.

Whether I am published or not, (and I am not) I am a writer.  I breath, eat, shit, writing.  It's all I think about; poetry, songs in my head, stories in the night, it's my life just as the person I am, it's my soul.  Will I ever be published?  I really don't care, now don't get me wrong, that would be amazing but my real purpose is only to touch someone's life by something that came from my soul. To help someone, to make a person not feel alone, to be there for a human in need, that's what I want.  It makes me so happy when anyone reads my words so I want to thank the people who have supported me and made comments.  Please feel free to interact with me, I am just a human and I make mistakes.  It's ok to make mistakes... it's the way you handle it that defines it all.  I am very random and I appreciate people keeping up.  LOL.  

Finding Happiness Within. Part One

I am 36 years old and I am just now trying to figure out this happiness thing.  People say that you have to have happiness from within yourself to show happiness on the outside.  I used to call bullshit but as I sit here the unhappiest that I have ever been in my life, I guess it's time to try something different.  Most of the time I am anxious, nervous, lonely, scared, sad, depressed and pissed off.  It's so draining to feel all of the things that I feel so it's time to pull these layers of shit back one by one and figure out why I suck so bad.  This is only the beginning of a journey that even I myself do not know where it will lead.  A mystery, my favorite.  :)

Random Acts of Kindness are too Random

There is nothing better than getting online or watching the news and hearing about someone being kind to another for no reason other than it's the right thing to do. It makes me feel that maybe there is hope for the human race.  Buying the persons food behind you at the drive-thru, helping a stranger by giving them extra gas in their car at the station, taking water to a crew of construction workers that you see out in the hot sun.... there are a million things that people can do to join this movement of kindness and I would give nothing more then to see more of it.  Maybe the media doesn't cover it because they suck and only want to show bad news.  I hope that anyone who reads this, really thinks about how easy it would be to share an act of kindness.  Do it, spread it, keep it going.  It shouldn't be random acts of kindness, it should be daily acts of kindness.  Do one thing everyday for someone else, no matter how small you think it is, it may mean the world to them, you don't know what there life is like, what their struggle is, they could have a shitty life and you made it better by one simple gesture.  Come on world, let's make a difference.

Transformers 4 Sucks

I have been a fan of the Transformer's since I was a little girl so of course when the movies started coming out, I was super stoked. 1 through 3 was amazing, I loved the storyline, the special effects were bad ass and the cast was perfect. The cute little dorky guy just got hotter as the movies came along and Megan Fox.... it's fucking Megan Fox, she is a beautiful woman and a good actress.  Fast forward to Transformers 4: Age of Extinction and I was very upset, fuck it, I was pissed off.  Where was my cute guy, where the hell did Megan Fox go?  Who the fuck did the casting?  Mark Wahlburg, are you serious? Then the icing on the shit cake is a damn blonde bitch that no one knows instead of Megan Fox.  Who the hell is Nicole Peltz?  Exactly.  I tried to give it a chance and watch it but it's not the same and never will be. I couldn't take it serious that Mark Wahlburg was that chicks dad, it wasn't realistic at all.  When it first saw the previews, I thought she was his girlfriend so it was creepy to watch after thinking that. I was very disappointed and sad.  No more Bumble Bee for me.  :(

Mary Kay Preyed on me when I was Weak.

I love makeup, I love girly things, and thanks to Mary Kay Incorporated, I now know that I am a little naive still.  I didn't think that I was, I thought I was a strong woman who was educated enough and street smart enough to not be misled. I was so wrong, I am still questioning how they got me involved in their bullshit, crappy, overpriced facial products.
I was a customer of Mary Kay in the beginning, I really liked the lotions and foundations.  They are fair priced and last long enough for me to justify spending the extra money.  I will buy over the counter shit now, they lost my business with they tried to steal my soul.  They preyed on the weakness of me just losing my job, they promised me help if I couldn't fill orders, they offered me comfort and friendship and it was all lies.  No one helped me do a damn thing but fail, big time.  I am a good salesperson, I always have been but you have got to be dumb to spend twenty dollars on a tiny tube of lipstick. It wasn't even just that, they promised help and the only help I got was telling me to basically stand around Wal-Mart or other stores and beg for business. If you are going to buy Mary Kay, just do so online and cut out these overbearing crazy women just trying to get a car.

Photography has Always been my Calling, my Passion, my First Love.

Since I was a little girl, I absolutely loved photography, I was amazed by it, curious about it, thought about it all the time, dreamed about it making me famous and oh my hell, I took so many pictures that I probably cost my mom a small fortune in film and development. We never had much money growing up so I didn't have the nicest camera or the best camera but I didn't care, it never once made me feel inferior to someone with a couple thousand dollar set-up.  I knew I had the eye and in the end, that's all that really matters. From my first Polaroid, to my latest camera...  nothing fancy but it gets the job done.
I took a photography class in high school and learned all the cool tricks you can do with an old manual camera, I learned about the rule of thirds which I break on a regular basis, I learned what interested me and I ignored the other stuff, such is life. ;)
I am now in my thirties and just starting to get noticed for my photography.  I am not complaining, better late than never, happy dance and everything.  It feels so good to do something that you love and possibly have a chance to make a little money at the same time.  It's the American dream that I have never believed in coming back around to smack me in the face and I couldn't be happier.  Lesson here is to never give up on your dreams, no matter what.  I love freezing moments in time, it's just kinda my thing.... ;)
Now for people to see my work and want it in their home, that is the true test of making it to me.... when one of my photographs hangs on the wall of a family home and makes them smile when they see it, that's the feeling I want.