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Adulting is Hard. I just want to write.

WHO I REALLY AM!!! DRUNK! SO HONEST!!!!!

I have no plans for the future, everyone I make, I fail at it before it even starts.  I am judged before anyone bothers to get to know me.  I feel alone and afraid.  I am married but only because I think he feels sorry for me.  Every talent that I have is useless.  My whiskey makes me happier than most people.  The only person that actually wants to help me out, probably just wants to fuck me.  I have no family, none that will claim me anyway.  I have done nothing but fuck up since I was born.  I would rather have a joint then a job. I would rather be broke than miserable.  Money is stupid when only the rich can touch it.  I spend more money on the care of my pets than I do on myself.  I think that in general people are good, which also means that I am naïve.  I pretend to be something I am not so people will like me.  It hurts me when I am automatically judged because of my tattoos and not my mind or heart. I want to punch most Christians because they are some of the fakest sinners that I know.  I made this blog to reach out to others in hopes of helping, connecting, understanding, or something.  In six years, this blog has done nothing for me or anyone else.  I can type faster, that's about it.  Does anyone even care that I dump my heart on this page?  Oh wait, no because they have lives and people with lives don't read blogs.  Fact!  Fuck it. No one cares, I get it.

Garcinia Cambogia has Really Helped Me.

I have heard all of the hype about this product.  I ran across an offer to try it for a discount so I ordered it.  I have been taking it for almost 3 weeks and I have lost 8 pounds so far and feel a lot better.  It doesn't make you feel all jitter and weird but it does give you more energy.   Overall I am very pleased with my purchase.  I didn't plan on exercising but with the extra energy and boredom, I have been finding myself doing random squats and leg lifts.  I will keep you all posted on my progress.  20 more pounds to go and I will be a happy camper.

Dave and Busters.... "You Brought your baby to a bar" and other important stories.

After my husband and I went to the meet and greet with SKILLET, yesterday and while we were already out and he had the day off of work already, why not squeeze some fun into your day!!  When couples stop being friends, it's over.  FACT!  We try to do things as much as possible, concerts are my favorite thing to do.  (if they aren't priced too high)  That is another important part of marriage or any relationship for that matter.... compromise.  I got lucky that I married my best friend so we like the same things, also kinda important if you ever want to see them. :) I got off track, lol, anyway after the meet and greet we went to Dave and Busters, I got drunk of their very good Long Island Iced Tea and we headed for the games.  I was disappointed at the amount of kids that were there.  I thought Dave and Busters was for grown ups.  I was sadly mistaken.  Of course I am wearing my shirt that says Polite as Fuck and there are kids everywhere.  I couldn't help but think of that movie, Sweet Home Alabama with Reese Witherspoon and she's all.... "You brought your baby to a bar!!"  I laughed several times and then I thought, wait a minute.  These drunk parents are going to be driving their poor kids around soon.  Sad thought.  Cops need to leave some shit be and go after idiots like that.  None of my business.  If I were a cop, I would be sitting my happy ass outside of Dave and Busters in Little Rock Arkansas and wait for the minivans to start coming out and get em.  They think they are hiding behind their SUV's and child seats but they are not.  It was sad.  I guess I have turned this into a review unintentionally.  Leave it to me. lol.   Well in that case, they were understaffed and it showed.  I thought the employees were supposed to invoke fun by having fun themselves?  I never even saw one smile, oh wait one did but she was getting sent home early.  The bartender wasn't a bartender, the food looked like bar food on a five star price list.  So we didn't eat, we thought hey surely they can't fuck up drinks.  I still played it safe with the Long island Iced Tea.  You can't go wrong, if it's gross, it's still all mainly booze so just jug and walk away.  He didn't know how to make any drinks so the bar area was scarce.  Ironically, I applied for a job there because I thought it would be fun and I work hard.  Too bad, they missed a good, loyal, cross-trained, money needing me!! Anyway, we had fun and I got drunk and bought another dress from a gas station.  LOL.  This is becoming a thing.

Skillet was awesome and down to earth

I got to meet Skillet today. They were all really cool. Especially Korey Cooper but I love her. She's an inspiration. They performed at the local radio station and I won an invite. It was great to be able to see them in a small setting. I felt special. There were only 15 people who won... Badassery to the fullest.

Skillet!!! I Won off of the Radio, Thanks to The Edge 100.3.

I never win anything and I always say that if it wasn't for bad luck, I would have no luck.  I went to work with my hubby and while I sat bored in his truck, I was listening to my favorite radio station, 100.3 The Edge, I have been listening to them for longer than I can remember.  They have a hilarious morning show, Corey and Patrick in the morning, it is hilarious and really makes it easier to start my day.  I was listening and they did a contest to be the tenth caller with the code word on Matt Cruz's blog.  I had it, I called... Matt answered,  caller 4 try again....caller 7 try again.  AHHHHH I screamed several times. Then it was over, I lost.  No meet and greet and eat with Skillet.  I was super bummed.  An hour or so later they did it again, I had the code word again and I was determined this time.  My send, end buttons on my phone were in perfect sync, I couldn't be stopped.  It rang.... caller 5.... AAAHHHHHHH.......I called again.... busy......again..... busy.  Finally it rings and I am thinking that surely it's over and no one will answer but to my grateful surprise, I hear Matt Cruz on the other end asking, "Do you have the code word?" I was stoked and I knew it,  PANHEAD I shouted.  I was right, I finally won.  I get to eat lunch with Skillet and hear an invitation only acoustic set and meet and greet.  Autographs and photographs!!!  My two favorite graphs, LOL.  I'm giddy with happiness.  I can't wait.  It's tomorrow so I will update you guys later.  Panheads Unite.

Anniversary turned into "take your wife to work day"

A lot of people don't understand married life, most of the people who don't understand it aren't married. I like to be around my husband,  I like to go to sleep when my husband does. Today is our 7 year anniversary of being married and since he couldn't get off work for the day I decided to go with him. After some hot morning sex of course.  He installs internet for a company and climbs very tall cell towers to fix stuff for people. It is kind of cool to watch him work, though it scares me a little bit to see him so high up in the air. Maybe I should take out a life insurance policy? LOL. It also adds a new hotness to him that I never noticed. To see him not afraid to climb something so high and do something for so little money inspires me, and it makes me feel more love for him. Besides he looks really sexy in all of his climbing gear.  With his long hair flowing in the breeze. It's going to be a nice anniversary. And if you truly love someone it doesn't matter what you do on your anniversary as long as you're together.

Life, Death and Drugs Made me who I am.

This is a true fact, if you  have a life then you have no reason to sit in front of a computer spatting nonsense for other people who have no life to read.  It's a vicious cycle of losers.  I have no life, it is a Sunday night, the night before my 7th wedding anniversary and I am typing nonsense about my stupid life.  I used to be normal, death and drugs have left me a dark lonely soul with no plans for the future because we are not promised a tomorrow so why bother?  That is why I have no friends.  No one understands me.  I don't like to make friends because I know I will just let them down with the person that I am.  The friends that I lost knew me before I was the nutcase that I am now, they didn't care to  understand me or even bother to try.  I used to be fun and outgoing.  On the weekends, I went to clubs and acted a fool.  I had lots of friends and we hung out and did things.  I am not sure exactly what happened but I changed.  My first love killed himself in 1999 and it fucked me up.  I started drinking way too much, I would do any drug you put in front of me, as long as it was free.  I wasn't a very happy person for a long time.  I stopped making plans, I said fuck it to my future and did whatever the hell I wanted.  I would pay for that choice forever. 

I was Considering an Annonomous Blog but Decided Fuck it, You can Handle it.

I am Polite as Fuck!

I have always wanted to be a writer, any kind, I don't care.  I started this blog with the pure hope that someone, anyone would notice me, think I was witty, want me to write for them and pay me to do so.  Well that has not happened and in all reality, it won't happen.  So fuck it, shit is going to get real.  I am tired of hiding behind who I am and who you want me to be.  There is no middle ground.  I don't care about followers or views.  I just want to be honest.  I am a woman who is confused, married, hurt, scared, and so many other emotions flowing around like craziness in my head.  I have lost some of the best people that I will ever know and loved to suicide, my mother to cancer, and myself to the world.  I am terrified of what will come next.  I don't plan, because I am afraid that I will just let people down if I can't stick to it.  I have lost all of my friends for a stupid reasons.  I was a whore when I was younger, I had one night stands with people that I didn't know, I did lots of drugs and did a lot of stupid shit.  I have always loved sex, I have never been good a relationships of any kind.  I am afraid of commitment yet I am married.  I am totally fucked up.  Hope you are ready for some brutal truths. 

A Few of my most Favorite Photographs taken by Me.

Mirror Split View

Nashville Bash on Broadway 2016

Dark sunlight and Lake

Country Living.

Reflection.

One of my Favorite Places ever!

Beauty in disaster.  Flood 2016

I love editing photos.  It brings me so much joy to freeze time.

The road ahead is yours, take it and go get what you want.

Dandelion Dreams.

Flooded Irony.

Women Should Empower Each Other, Stick up For One Another, and Quit Being Cruel.

We as women have come a long way.  We can vote, we can stand on the supreme court yet we still can't get along and we continue to put each other down and say stupid shit.  I have heard girls say this all the time.... "I don't like other girls, they're bitches".  Do they even hear the words that are coming out of their ignorant mouth?  You are a girl, how can you not like other girls?  It makes no sense to me.  If girls can't stick together, then what the hell are we doing?  Women should help each other, we already get paid less than men yet we pay more for hygiene products, cars, cell phone bills and tons of other bullshit that Google will find for you. I wish all people could get along and help their fellow man when needed but everyone seems to be too busy judging others instead of helping.  It makes me sad. 

Unreachable Lonely Seat.

Mobile Strike is My new Favorite Game and I Hate War Games.

I know you have all seen the commercial with Arnold Notevengoingtotrytospellhislastname about the game Mobile Strike, well I downloaded it, but only because it gave me points on another app to download and open for 30 seconds.  In that short time, it caught my attention so I checked it out again before planning on deleting it and damn if I didn't have fun.  Months later I am in an alliance with really cool people from all over the world and it's not at all the way they make it out to be.  I have been playing for almost a year now and I love it.  The comradery that we have is amazing.  The other players help each other and it's so much fun.  So there's my big secret.  I am a gamer now.  Damn it.

Exercise That is Fun and Guaranteed to Work. Say Goodbye to Your Fat.

I went through a period after my mother died where I was in a very dark place.  I hid my feelings and hid from life.  I gained around 30 pounds during this time and I felt awful about what I saw in the mirror, I started to close my eyes when I entered the bathroom and even began to stop wearing makeup and let my roots grow.  I just didn't even care. 

Long story short, after 2 years of trying every diet, not eating, feeling disgusted and not being able to fit into any of my clothes, I said enough is enough.  Something had to give.  SO.... One month ago I started my new diet and workout plan that works for me.  I have lost 12 pounds so far and I feel amazing already. 

I want to share this with you all because I am a pretty lazy inactive person and I really don't like to exercise or sweat for that matter.  With that being said, I really feel like I finally found something that works for me and I hope it works for you.

This is what I did in order!!

I figured out where I want to lose the weight from, in my case it is my stomach, thighs, butt, flappy arms and a little toning won't hurt.  I looked online for target area exercises that worked for me and wrote them down.  You need to see where you stand in each area of exercise so you don't kill yourself. Example, I chose squats, (legs) sit-ups on my exercise ball,  (belly) leg lifts and leg raises, (thighs and butt).  I did as many as I could of each until it started to hurt, then I wrote the number or reps down.  I made a list for each exercise and I do them daily for 3 days, then I move up 20 or 30 reps, sometimes more depending on what exercise. Repeat until you get to your target weight achieved and then modify it for 3 to 4 times a week to keep you moving.  This will even motivate you to do more, I promise.  The first 3 days I thought I was going to die but I kept going.  By day 5 I was feeling great, drinking more water, eating less, no eating 4 hours before bed, lots of water and healthy snacks. 

Here is my plan for an example.

Day 1-3 --- 50 squats, 30 sit ups, 25 leg lifts on each leg, 15 front leg raises.
Day 4-6 --- 75squats, 45 sit ups, 40 leg lifts, 25 front leg raises.
Day 7-10 -- 100 squats, 65 sit ups, 60 leg lifts, 35 front leg raises.
Day 11- present ---- 150 squats, 80sit ups, 80 leg lifts, 50 leg raises.


I do not like breakfast so I bought some Carnation instant breakfast to add to skim milk to at least get my vitamins.  I know they say breakfast is the most important meal of the day so I try to compromise, lol.  For lunch I have Tuna with mustard only or some kind of protein and fruits.
For dinner I eat whatever I want but I eat way smaller portions.  This has worked for me and I hope it works for you.  Comment if you have any questions and I'll get back to you asap.

Join me on Flipboard magazine!! Informative and fun

Join my Flipboard magazine, Stained Life, to collect and share stories together: http://flip.it/SyJ9B

Otis loves bathtime.

My baby boy Otis loves to take a bath, all I have to do is run the water and tell him to jump in. He stands there and lets me scrub him down. He loves to be rinsed and most of all his favorite part is when I break out the blow dryer, he absolutely loves the warm air. I have spoiled my dog to the fullest and I love it. He's so sweet and loving.

The Box (poetry)

The four corners of the photograph create a unity. Colors bleed together like the puddles from the rain. The smiles on their faces show no signs of pain.

Blue shirt, pink lips, long flowing hair. Together in this box that is a picture, we are a perfect pair.

His eyes smile deeply though his face does not. I'm fortunate that he took a chance and gave me a shot.

This simple square in which we lie, holds our secrets that will stay untold. We are cut off from the world that we know and we are all alone.

Just two people so in love, holding each other in this perfect box. No one can change it, no one can erase it.

Fearful Heart (poetry)

I open my heart with hopes for acceptance.

I know nothing of love, I'm only an apprentice.

I don't think...I'm reckless.
I don't care... I'm a menace.
I don't feel...I'm senseless.
I'm lonely... I'm friendless.

Time to start new somewhere where I'll have no resentments.

Close my heart back up and reinforce my fences.

My Favorite Kevin Spacey movie. (no spoilers, so don't worry)

I love a good movie, especially the ones where the characters end up crossing paths and their lives are forced to intertwine in some cool way.  I am a huge Kevin Spacey fan, his acting skills are incredible and he is so versatile, that you know without a doubt that whatever role he plays will be a good one.    He never ceases to amaze me.

I don not own the rights to this photo at all so please don't sue me.  ;)

SHRINK:  This amazing movie came out in 2009.  It is labeled as a comedy/drama and I agree.  It stars Kevin Spacey as L.A's top shrink to the stars and  Robin Williams plays one of his patients. His character suffers a tragedy and questions his ability to treat his patients so he  turns to marijuana to try and cope.




This movie is everything you could want in a film.  It's funny, it's real, it's raw, it's full of emotion with twists that leave you satisfied with every scene.  I won't spoil the movie because I really hope you watch it.  I had never even heard of this movie and I was surprised of the lack of advertisements, especially with Kevin Spacey in it.  Anyway, I won't tell you how awesome it is, watch it.  I found it on Netflix so check there. The short version .....He plays a psychiatrist with a recent tragedy that makes him hide from his life while trying to keep it together with his patients.   It's almost like 3 different characters story told separate and then they come together at the end in this big fate feeling, warm fuzzy awesome way.  I won't say anything else, I just had to tell you guys about this movie because I really liked it and I hope you do too. 

XOXO

My Own Personal Therapy.

When I am feeling depressed, want to rip my hair out, punch someone, throw my phone, lie down screaming like a 2 year old, hold myself underwater, run into traffic.... I think you get the point.  After years of therapy that I paid for, I had an ephiphany one day at work.  I was having a shitty day dealing with asshole customers taking their bullshit all day.  I went to the bank to drop off the deposit and really didn't want to go back so I thought I would go for a drive instead and kill some time. The music Gods were with me that day and every song was a good one.  It was a nice sunny day and there are lots of backroads in my town with beautiful scenary, old barns, ponds, rolling hills and lakes.  I

Go out and see the beautiful things that you miss because you're busy.

Music soothes the souls and lets you not only feel an emotion but hear it.  That's a very powerful thing. Nothing feels better than driving down a pretty road with the windows down, air blowing through your hair and jamming to your favorite songs.  I ended up showing up back up to work way later than planned but it felt amazing and I was the manager so ya know.  ;)

One of the music related pictures that I made.

Rearview mirror picture with landscape

The main point is to leave all of your bullshit in the rearview mirror and cleanse your soul with music that makes you feel better.